a new beginning.

everything's starting to fall in place for once.
everything's going right for once.

so after my usual weekly meltdown that i had on thursday, i didn't think i could take any more "moments." those moments that broke me down and put me in a state of vulnerability i feared the most. i couldn't even face looking myself in the mirror. who was i? who had i turned into? i missed me.

and after all the tears that fell and all the aches my heart felt, i knew i had to bounce back. cause there was nothing i could do about my past, about my mistakes. i knew i had to move on and face life with my head up and shoulders back.

and friday was a good start. thursday night, i realized that i hated the relationship i had with my family. with my brother and sister, mostly. i realized that i was a shitty sister with the biggest, bitchiest attitude. it was bad. for the past year, all i ever did was yell at them or call them stupid. i forgot how much i missed them. missed our uncontrollable laughs and our big, bright smiles. but everything got better as the night progressed and by the time i looked at the clock it was 1:45 am and i had to wake up 2 hours for work. that sucked balls, i hate only working a full day with 2 hours of sleep. i hate fatigue, but whatever i had to go fucking make coffee. work was relatively tolerabale, more so that usual. time went by fast, like usual. but after, my sister and i went straight to crystal cove to go hiking. it was absolutely beautiful. nature is beautiful. life is beautiful. sure it wasn't as sunny and bright as it was the day before, but it didn't matter. the cool breeze blowing my hair into my face, my arms locked with my sister's-- it was perfect. but we had to leave, i had to leave, but crystal cove is awaiting for me to come some other day this week (: but we got sprinkles after, yay. then i went straight to my car and drove back to temecula. i was reading somewhere that it said that when you feel like your life is at it's end, and you feel like your life is monotnous and so melancholical, you need change. this change doesn't necessarily have to be so drastic, but a few changes of environment and of perspective would have the same effect. and on this list of change was to maybe drive on a different freeway to go to a usual destination. and so i did, i took the scenic route rather than the 55, 91, 15. the 5 was beautiful, after going through irvine to hit the 405, i hit laguna beach, mission viejo, dana point, san clemente, san onofre, oceanside, carlsbad; everything was so beautiful. except that i constantly felt my eyes shutting down on me. not a good idea, so i quickly drove home to lay down and watch my old favorite tv show (: went to walmart (another bad idea, according to those fwd texts), and i saw an old friend that unexpectedly lives 10 minutes away from me.
after my 2 hour rest, it was time for san diego to see one of my favorite person in the world. i miss it. and i got to spend my whole night with an australian and a really funny guy. it was relaxing, just watching skins, getting lost, top of the world, petersons, and that one scary old asylum. nevertheless it was a good night. they were wrong. no cigars, no weed, no alcohol. just laughs.

...
life is really getting better. it's daddy's birthday, 49. wow, i couldn't even imagine being that old. i still have a long ways to go. a lot of experiences to go through. a lot of people to meet. and a lot of lessons to learn.
but i know this week will be good, despite going back to school and to work, i'm going to be spending time with people i haven't seen in months. it'll be nice. it'll be a change.

well, bye, blogspot. have to go a 4'oclock (what the hell, earlyyy) b-day dinner with the family and my sister's bf.
funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.


p.s. thank you for those who've always been there for me, even during my constant meltdowns.